


Breaking the Cycle

by Gmitc907



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Domestic Fluff, F/M, Friends to Lovers, Mild Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-06
Updated: 2021-01-06
Packaged: 2021-03-17 01:14:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,633
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28591584
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gmitc907/pseuds/Gmitc907
Summary: So I started SVU from the beginning shortly after cities started shutting down the end of March. I am an essential worker so worked the whole time with an altered schedule. Our staff was split into two teams so that if one of us got sick we all didn’t need to quarantine. It got me thinking how would a single parent who is an essential, like Rollins, handle this situation? How the characters would have handled things. Shout out to all the single parents out there!
Relationships: Dominick "Sonny" Carisi Jr./Amanda Rollins
Comments: 5
Kudos: 43





	Breaking the Cycle

**Author's Note:**

> I know some SVU fans are not fans of Rollisi at all and here’s my two cents about it. They say Rollins is a mess and doesn’t deserve Carisi. I view it as Rollins has overcome amazing feats in her life so far. Is Carisi the obvious choice for her well no. But look where her choices in men have gotten her this far? I think Carisi balances her out well. And vice versa as well. I think Carisi can be too up tight and by the book and Rollins helps him loosen up. Anywho, just my opinion.

She knew she’d always be able to count on him. No matter what. 

‘She really didn’t deserve him,’ she thought. ‘He’s too nice of a guy.’ That’s what she’s convinced herself. She’d ruin him. Her therapist had been trying to make her see that she had the power to break this inevitable cycle she felt she was in. The cycle of the women in her family choosing terrible men. She didn’t want that for her girls though. She had hated her mom for constantly dating dirtbags so why did she do the same thing? She was doing the same thing she resented her mother for. She needed to be stronger than that. She could be, no she would be, stronger than the cycle. She was terrified her girls would grow up feeling the same way about her. She would show Jesse and Billie that they deserve to be happy. That their mother could be in a happy and healthy relationship.

Things were... weird, between her and Carisi for a while after that awful weekend when she had blown up at him in the squad room. They had both apologized but it took awhile to get back to the old friendship they once had. Yet there he’d been, after Frank Bucci had kidnapped her. Carisi had driven her home but when they pulled up to her apartment building she couldn’t bring herself to get out of the car. He had come around and opened her door for her. When Amanda had made no move to exit the vehicle he took a step forward and she lost her composure again. He once again, wrapped her up in his strong embrace. He simply held her as she cried. She realized it was the first time she truly felt safe since Bucci broke into her therapist’s office. 

She felt safe when Sonny Carisi was there. Not even Olivia knew that he had stayed at her apartment that night. Nothing happened. In fact, he slept on the couch while both girls and Frannie slept in bed with her. Amanda could tell he was hesitant to leave her the next morning and frankly it was comforting to have him there.  
After that he started coming around more often again. The girls were certainly getting used to having him around. Everyday when Amanda would get home from work, Jesse would ask if they could have Sonny Pasta. She’d grab the colander out of the cupboard ready to assist. Sonny would make dinner for Amanda and the girls two or three times a week and then usually fall asleep on the couch. 

That is until the end of March because 2020 was really turning into a shit show for several reasons. Sienna had left the city just before the lock down happened. Amanda didn’t blame her. If she had parents that lived out in the suburbs and wasn’t an essential employee, she’d move out of the city too. 

But this brought her to her current predicament. She couldn’t find a sitter and there was a victim at the hospital she had to go interview. She knew the lockdown was the right plan for the city but she also knew that meant an increase in domestic violence cases.  
She called Carisi on a whim and he picked up on the second ring.  
“What’s up ‘Manda?” He said with that damn Staten Island accent. Already calming her nerves some. How the hell did he do that?  
“I’m so sorry. I don’t know what to do. Sienna left the city to stay at her parents’ place up state. I don’t really blame her. I called my backup sitter but she’s packing up and leaving by tomorrow morning. Kat is already out on a case. Fin is quarantining after that covid positive asshole spit on him last week. I’ve been called in on a case. Cap has been really great allowing me to work from home when I can, but I have to go talk to this victim before her husband is allowed in at the hospital.”  
“Hey, hey, hey. Say no more. I got you. I’ll be there in 20 minutes.” He said, cutting off her rambling.  
“You don’t have to. We’re in the middle of a fucking pandemic! I shouldn’t have even asked. Don’t worry about it.” She backtracked.  
“Manda!” Carisi yelled into the phone, effectively grabbing her attention. “Stop.” He said through a soft chuckle. “I already have my shoes on. I’ll be there in 20 minutes.” And then he ended the call so she couldn’t argue with him anymore. 

Amanda sighed as she looked at the screen of her phone. ‘Call Ended’ blinked at the top with a picture of Carisi and Jesse still on her screen. A picture she had taken when Jesse had still been small. Carisi had come over after a hard case. He had made dinner for all three of them and then, with Amanda’s insisting, went to the living room to play with Jesse while she cleaned up. When she walked into the living room, she had found them both asleep on the overstuffed arm chair with a book slowly falling out of his hand. His head had fallen back against the headrest. Jesse resting on his lap where her head had fallen against his chest, fingers in her mouth which was hanging slightly open, covering his expensive dress shirt in drool. She had been about 18 months old in that picture. And teething. Amanda grumbled at the memory. Bracing herself for Billie’s two year molars to start coming in. After snapping the picture that was now Sonny’s contact picture on her phone, she had reached for the sleeping baby. Trying to gently move her to her crib without waking her up. When she tried to lift her though Sonny had startled awake, tightening his grip around the baby’s waist, panicking that she was slipping from his lap. The book falling to the floor. Jesse woke up wailing after being suddenly woken. After some baby Tylenol for her teeth, another story and rocking in the chair, Sonny had gotten her back to sleep and got her in her crib. He joined Amanda on the couch where she was watching some mindless reality television show. Not even ten minutes later Amanda glanced over and he was fast asleep as well. Amanda covered him with the throw blanket from the back of the couch and had gone to bed herself. He was gone by morning. The throw blanket neatly folded on the back of the couch. She missed him instantly.

After her promotion a few weeks back is when it finally clicked for her. After Liv had told her about her promotion at the gun range, all she wanted to do was celebrate. To share her proud achievements with Sonny. But then he had had a bad day in court and turned her down. Said he had work to catch up on. They shared a brief look just before she turned to leave. She realized how much she needed him but also how much she wanted to be there for him when he needed it. She knew he was having a rough week and she just wanted to fix it. She just didn’t know how. Amanda hadn’t felt like that towards a man in her life before. “Hang in there, Dominick.” She said as she turned to leave his office.  
Maybe that’s why she felt her heart skip a beat when she saw him running down the hallway as she was waiting for the elevator doors to open.  
She tried not to get her hopes up. Was he bringing something she left? She only brought in her coat? She looked at him confused.  
“Maybe I could use a drink... or three.” He said repeating her words back to her, looking down at her as he came to a stop directly in front of her. She grinned, still looking back at him as they both silently stepped onto the now open elevator.  
She turned to watch the doors close. “Glad you changed your mind,” she said through her grin.  
“Is there a reason for getting a sitter other than trying to buck me up after today?” Carisi asks.  
“Do I need a reason to spend quality time with my best friend?” Carisi gives her a side smirk.  
“No, but I just thought it was awful fast to be able to find a sitter for tonight after court.” He states looking at his wristwatch. “Just felt like you may have already had plans to go out tonight but changed your plans to cheer me up instead.”  
“Um, well I actually made plans with the sitter last week for tonight. We never got to celebrate my promotion.”  
“Oh my gosh! Your promotion! That’s right!” His mood shifted some sharing in her joy. “How could I forget?” He scooped her up into a tight hug of congratulations. “That’s so awesome. You deserve it. You really do.” He said, pulling back to look her in the face. His eyes lingered on her there for just long enough to start questioning if there was a hidden meaning behind it. He pulled her back into a tight hug. “I’m so proud of you, Manda.” They stayed like that, in each other's arms, until the elevator reached the lobby and the doors slid open. They walked out of the building together side by side, Sonny with his hand at the small of Amanda’s back.  
The two of them had spent the next three hours at their favorite bar sharing easy conversation. Talking about everything from work, family, the girls, politics. They found themselves growing closer and closer. It was probably a direct result of the growing crowd in the bar. He walked her home and he crashed on her couch. The next morning Amanda was confused when she looked at the clock. Billie was always awake by that time. It was too quiet. Before she could open the door to the girls’ bedroom she heard soft voices from the kitchen. She walked in to see Billie in her high chair with some pre-breakfast snacks and Jesse standing on a chair pushed up against the counter helping Carisi stir something. She stood there observing the scene before her until she was noticed. Making a mental note that the idea that she could get used to this didn’t terrify her.  
“Momma!” Billie suddenly yelled, throwing her hands up in the air. Amanda walked over to the child to give her a morning kiss.  
“Look Momma! We’re making pancakes! With chocolate chips!” Jesse exclaimed.  
“I see that!” Amanda responded as she came up behind her daughter, placing a kiss on the top of her head. “Have any chocolate chips made it into the bowl or just directly into your tummy?” She asked, tickling Jesse’s ribs. The little girl squealed, and dropped the spoon into the bowl.  
“Mom!” Jesse whined dramatically as she fished the spoon out of the batter. “I put some in the batter,” she giggled. Amanda pauses there for a second, glancing over at Sonny who was supervising Jesse stirring the batter. In a moment of courage, she let go of her daughter and moved to stand behind Sonny. Wrapping her arms around his middle, standing up on her tiptoes to whisper in his ear. “So you’re sticking around to tire her out when the sugar high hits right?” His left hand had gone up to rest on top of hers on his stomach while his right still held onto the bowl Jesse was doing her best to stir.  
He took a moment and looked down at her out of the corner of his eyes. As he looked back to Jesse he responded, “I’ll stay as long as you’ll have me.” She held her grasp around his middle so he chanced a glance back down towards her over his shoulder.  
They held each other’s gaze until Billie threw her cup onto the floor. Amanda squeezed him in a hug before she finally let go to pick up the sippy cup.  
He had stayed with her little family all day that day. After breakfast they had walked to the park so the girls could run off some energy. Amanda had been pushing Billie on a swing when she overheard the dad Sonny had been talking to tell him that he had a beautiful family. Sonny had just smiled and said thank you. Didn’t correct the man. Amanda realized once again that her therapist was right and that idea didn’t scare her. They stopped at a bodega on the way home for some lunch. Billie fell asleep in her stroller so she and Sonny had carried the stroller up the stairs of her apartment building together. Managing to not wake her up.  
As he sat on the couch reading books to Jesse that afternoon, she caught herself just watching him again. Thinking about what her therapist said. What the man in the park had said. Carisi had glanced up and caught her staring at him. He just smiled at her and then read the next page in Jesse’s book. 

Amanda was thinking back to that day just a few weekends ago now. Before the world and NYC was thrown into this pandemic chaos. As she sat on the couch, with her daughters on either side of her, reading the same book. Waiting for the one of the two men in her life that she could rely on. Fin being the other. But he was like that, always have your back, no questions asked, older brother type. Dominick was something else entirely.  
Dominick, she was finally realizing, was the type of man to always be right by her side. He liked to protect and take care of her but it wasn’t in a way that was demeaning to her. Amanda had been forced to grow up at such a young age taking care of her sister. And now she was a single mother of two young children. She was independent to a fault at times. Not allowing herself to rely on others. She didn’t like feeling like a damsel in distress that needed to be saved by a knight in shining armor. She wasn’t used to someone that genuinely wanted to be her partner and not just rescue her.

Amanda was so caught up in her thoughts she didn’t hear the knock on the door. Only reacting when Frannie started barking at it.  
“I bet that’ll be Uncle Sonny!” Amanda said to her girls. They both squealed with glee as she checked the peephole before opening the door to let him in. Frannie pushed her way through to greet him. Jesse right behind trying to avoid the rapidly wagging tail. Billie close behind her, trying to keep up with her older sister.  
“Just a second, just a second. Let me set my things down so I can say hi.” Sonny said as he made his way into the apartment. He set his briefcase, a duffel bag, and what looked like some sandwiches from the bodega on the corner, on Amanda’s kitchen table. Jesse followed him into the kitchen as he made his way to the sink to wash his hands. Both adults curiously watched as she dug through a cupboard finally coming back out with the colander.  
“Can we make Sonny Pasta for dinner?! I’m ready to be your helper chef!” Sonny laughed as he knelt to the floor with his arms open for a hug from the girls. Both Jesse and Billie promptly threw themselves into his outstretched arms. “You’re the best sous chef I could ask for.”  
Frannie was jumping around impatiently trying to get his attention as well. Sonny gave the girls a tight squeeze before scratching Frannie’s neck as he stood back up to greet Amanda. He wrapped his arms around her middle as hers went around his neck in a tight hug. Neither realizing how touch starved they had become during quarantine. Amanda didn’t consider herself a very touchy feely individual but she had found herself craving an adult human interaction.  
“You are a lifesaver. You know that?” She whispered in his ear.  
“How many times do I have to tell ya Manda? I’ll always be here for you and the girls.” He responds, still holding onto her.  
“Don’t think I can’t see you young lady.” Amanda suddenly says to Jesse, who had begun to dig into the bag from the bodega. Knowing Uncle Sonny always buys a cookie for the girls. “Go wash up first.” Both girls scamper down the hall to the bathroom where their step stool resides, to wash their hands. “They act like I never feed them when you’re around.” She stated as she reluctantly let go of Sonny.  
“Well if you fed them Grandma Carisi’s spaghetti and meatballs more often maybe they wouldn’t always be hungry.” He teased.  
“Right,” she responded. “So it has absolutely nothing to do with the cookies you spoil my children with.”  
“I’m their godfather. I’m supposed to spoil them.” He argued. Amanda rolled her eyes at him.  
“Besides, you really want me to attempt Grandma’s spaghetti sauce recipe? We both know that would be a disaster. You want the girls to eat that on a regular basis you need to come around more often and start making it for them.” Where is all this confidence coming from Amanda thought to herself.  
Carisi stopped pulling sandwiches out of the bag and looked up at Amanda. “Is that an invitation?”  
Poof all that confidence suddenly gone. She suddenly finds a very interesting spot on the floor. Not able to look Sonny in the eyes. “Well, I mean, the invitation stands if you want to, I mean. But you don’t have to.”  
“Manda, I mean it.” He says with a smirk, “I enjoy hanging out with you and the girls.” As he said it he took a step closer to her. “Besides, you’re in my covid bubble now. Not that I had much of a bubble to begin with. I didn’t want to risk getting my parents sick so I haven’t been to Staten Island in weeks. You three are my covid bubble now.”  
Was there hidden meaning in what he just said or was Amanda just reading into it way too much. If they were the only three in his Covid circle that meant he wasn’t seeing anybody. Why did that make her happy? Also, is this what flirting during a pandemic looked like?  
She looked back up at him, “I guess you are our covid circle. We haven’t seen anybody since Jesse’s school closed.” They were both just looking at each other. Afraid to read into what the other was saying.  
Their concentration was broken as the girls came barreling back into the kitchen. Jesse started pulling items from the bag and throwing them on the table.  
“Um you have to eat the sandwich before you even think about looking for that cookie young lady.” Jesse grinned up at her mother before slinking to her seat. Sonny was chuckling softly as he handed Jesse her sandwich. He picked Billie up to place her in her booster seat as Amanda went into the fridge to pour cups of milk for the girls. She placed a sippy cup in front of each of them and kissed each on the top of the head.  
“You listen to Uncle Sonny. Mommy will be back before bedtime stories.”  
Jesse suddenly forgot her sandwich and clung to her mother. “Jess I will be alright. We talked about this. Look.” Amanda said as she grabbed a little bottle of hand sanitizer and her mask. “I have my sanitizer to keep the sickness off my hands.” She slipped the bottle in her pocket. “And I have my mask to keep my germs to myself and not get anyone else’s.” Jesse still wasn’t sure. “You will be safe in here with Uncle Sonny and I will be careful out there. There is someone at the hospital that needs me to help them and find the bad person that hurt them. Climb back up to the table.” She guided her daughter back to the table and her sandwich. “Sit here next to your sister and eat the sandwich Uncle Sonny brought you. I bet he has a special treat in that bag once you finish.” She smiled at her daughter. “You two are going to have so much fun! I will be back before you know it and you can tell me all about it!” Jesse still didn’t look completely convinced. “Yeah?” Amanda asked, prompting some sort of a response from her daughter. Still nothing. Amanda suddenly had an idea. “You know what baby? I bet Uncle Sonny could help you put together your princess castle that Grandma sent you in the mail!” Amanda went over to the end of the couch where she pulled out a box of Elsa’s Lego Castle. The little girl’s face lit up and the worry of her mother leaving the house was slightly forgotten.  
“Hope you like Legos counselor.” She says with a smirk. She gives his shoulder a firm squeeze as she walks by to grab her keys and mask again. “Thanks again Dominick.”  
“Happy to help.” He watches her put her face mask on, pinch the top to fit the bridge of her nose, take a deep breath and walk out the door.  
————————————-  
Amanda got home later than she intended. It was nearly 9pm. Both of the girls were likely asleep by now so she entered the apartment as quietly as she could. Frannie greeted her at the door. Amanda looked up to see Carisi rocking Jesse back and forth on the couch. Her head nuzzled in the crook of his neck. That’s when she heard her whimper. She took her mask off and washed her hands as Carisi walked over to her with her daughter.  
“See Bug? Told you she’ll always come back to you.” The little girl reached her arms out to her mother. She had tear streaks down her cheeks.  
“Momma you said you’d be home by story time.”  
She cried as she tightly wrapped her arms around Amanda’s neck.  
“I did my best baby but you remember how we talked about sometimes the survivors need my help to catch the bad people who hurt them. I’m home now. Let’s pick a short book and then it’s off to bed.”  
Jesse nodded her head in agreement. Amanda set her down, took her daughter’s hand and they walked to the couch together to pick a book. Thirty minutes later Jesse was finally in her bed asleep.  
Amanda made her way back to the couch where Sonny had the tv on real low, watching some crime show. “How can you watch shows like this? They’re so inaccurate.”  
He simply shrugs his shoulders and moves to offer her the remote to change the channel. “Here change it to whichever reality nonsense you’re watching now which is so much more accurate.” He says with a teasing smirk.  
“I think I will.” As she pulls the remote from his hand. She mindlessly flips through channels for a few minutes not really settling on anything in particular. She finally stopped at some Housewives of some random city where the well to do family was arguing about what they were going to feed their guests for an upcoming dinner party. They watched but didn’t really pay attention for a few minutes before Amanda broke the silence.  
“She was just trying to buy food for her kids.” She said softly.  
“Huh?” Dominick tried to shift gears from listening about horderves' selections to what Amanda was mumbling about. He turned towards her on the couch to give her his full attention.  
“The survivor I interviewed at the hospital today.” She took a deep breath. “Her boyfriend beat and raped her because she used what was left in their bank account to buy bread. Peanut butter. And bananas! For their kids instead of buying his fucking beer!” She emphasized each item. Disdain dripped from her voice about the man’s actions. She sighed again. Threw the remote onto the floor and rubbed her hands across her face. Dominick scooted closer to her. Rubbing his hand on her back in an attempt to comfort her.  
“I don’t know why this case got to me so bad. Maybe it’s because it’s too little girls. And the boyfriend reminded me of my dad.” She sighed and leaned against Dominick. He didn’t have to say anything. He just held her. “Of course the mother is still holding onto the hope that he’ll change. I just wanted to scream at her, Dominick! Think of those girls. That was my momma! Unwilling to leave that garbage. In denial that the man is toxic. Just a revolving door of assholes.” She suddenly sucked in a raspy breath. “I’ve turned into that woman!” She sobbed. “I have two babies with two different men. Neither of which see their kids.”  
Dominick interrupted her then. “You have two beautiful daughters.”  
She finally took a breath and glanced up at him. “You’re too good for me. What would I do without you?” She blurted out.  
Amanda suddenly thought to herself, ‘That’s a loaded statement.’ She thought about what Dr Hanover said to her. He’s smart, kind, funny. Obviously enjoy hanging out with him. He’s not only good with but she wholeheartedly trusts him with her girls. What is she missing? He’s too nice. That’s the problem. Nice isn’t her type. Well her type hasn’t worked out in the past. Maybe it’s time to switch up her type. He wouldn’t put his career before her and the girls like Declan had. He wouldn’t just try to win her affections with luxurious gifts like Al. Cook her amazing meals maybe but not extravagant gifts she’d never use. Hell he certainly wouldn’t demean her any chance he got like Amaro. He challenges her to be a better person but in a healthy way. He keeps her accountable.  
But what if they tried and he couldn’t handle her and he left her like all the other men in her life. She couldn’t handle that.  
“Penny for your thoughts?” Carisi suddenly said.  
“What?”  
“I can hear the gears in your head turning. What are you thinking about?” He inquired.  
She took a deep breath. “You.” Finally looking up at him. “You’re my best friend. But… you’re not even my type. You’re too nice. I don’t go for nice. I’m not your type.”  
“Woah, can I decide that for myself?”  
“You’re my best friend! I’ll fuck it up and you’ll leave like men do. I don’t think I can handle you not in my life at all Dominick!” She cries.  
“Get out of your head. We aren’t a case you have to solve. Stop psychoanalyzing us.” He smirks. He gently grabs her chin and redirects her gaze from the floor up to meet his.  
“Hey, also, listen to me.” He said waiting for her eyes to meet his. “I’m not those other men. I’ll never walk away from you. I couldn’t. You gotta know I’m yours for as long as you’ll have me. I’ll always be right by your side.” Sonny says to her. Repeating her words from their fight in the squad room weeks earlier.  
Amanda looked up at him and slowly down to his lips and back up to his eyes. He brought his hand around the backside of her neck and gently pulled her closer.  
“Who’s psychoanalyzing who now?” She teased. He simply shrugged his shoulders, “We both know it’s a hazard of the job.” As he leaned in to her the rest of the way until their lips met.

**Author's Note:**

> I had this mostly written when I saw the promo pics for 22.4 and had to tweak it a little. The fact that Jesse is greeting him at the door with a colander and a spoon says he has been cooking with her to me. Made me giggle.


End file.
